We talk a lot about getting rid of bosses inside a company, but what about the one inside your head? This is probably the most pernicious manager of all, the “boss” voice. The one demanding, telling you to do it this or that and limiting your capacity for creative action.

This “boss” is to some extent our parents and teachers, people who needed us to do things “for your own good.” But we are adults now. Why is the “boss” voice still around? And, is it actually operating “for your own good?”

Does our “boss” voice make us healthier and happier? Does it even make us wealthier? I’m willing to bet that, ironically, it causes the opposite. For many of us, that voice is out of control. Not seeing the results it wants, it ups the volume and we become resentful and stressed, rather than getting positive outcomes.

The Other Voice

We need to transition from that voice being “the boss” and instead treat it as being one of our associates in an equal relationship.

The first step is to acknowledge we are not solely that voice. The “boss” voice is recommending things it thinks will minimize pain and get us things. It uses a lot of “should” statements, like, “I should invest” or “I should ask for a raise.” Maybe it’s more aggressive, “Clean the sink!” or “You don’t deserve success, you can barely take care of yourself.”

The “boss” voice wants to be at the top of our internal hierarchy. It wants us to get to the position it thinks we deserve. But there is another voice, one that we do not nurture enough. And that is the call to spontaneity and freedom.

Interestingly, the warnings against being personally spontaneous are the same that come up when thinking about taking a company RADICAL. Is the same cacophony of fears: It will be chaos; You are dreaming.

You can dull the “boss” voice, by empathizing with it. Listen to it and acknowledge that it is coming from fear. Then let the other voice speak for spontaneity and freedom.

For example, here is what happened to me recently,

• The “boss” voice said, “I should go to the salad place because it is healthier,”
• Oh, that’s coming from fear.
• Then, the other voice said, “Actually, I really could do anything.”
• This opened me up to realize that I needed a little nap before I went to lunch.

If I had let that “boss” voice dominate me, I would have been resentful and might have even ended up at the burger place. As it was, I took a nap and went to the poke place which was a lot more fun. I discovered my fatigue, which was almost crowded out by the demands I was placing on myself. And I still ate healthy.

People & Company

Think of times in your life that were really great. Was the “boss” voice really active and dominant during those times? Probably not.

It turns out that when you give yourself freedom, you are kinder to yourself and then kinder to others. And the stress comes off.

And guess what, those adulting things you were delaying on are now easier to do. You find a locus of calm and strength to operate from. The “boss” voice may at times serve you, especially if there is an emergency and action is demanded. If the building is burning then by all means demand of yourself to put out the fire. But the rest of the time—the vast majority of time—the “boss” inside you is actually a hindrance, not just to happiness, but your best self.

Choose to be free, not just in your organization, but inside yourself as well. In fact, you can’t do one without the other.