Love

I love. My self-love has grown. I love my smile.

The feeling came to me as a loud snap. I saw my own, genuine smile. I must have seen it before, but I had not loved it before. In the past I had to force myself to smile, it was uncomfortable. I felt that smiling made me vulnerable; it'd be better not to smile and protect myself. But now I smile when I feel like smiling, take a selfie, or a video, or just when I see my reflection in the mirror and there is that genuine smile shining right back. Even, no, particularly when I don’t know that I am smiling, I love seeing it. Sometimes I worry that I this is some form of narcissism, but … nah!.

When I am telling others about Radical companies and their philosophy they can tell my enthusiasm and my passion about them by the way my eyes shine. This is one of the many things that I am trying on to become more me.

I have been wondering what has made me feel this way. Thinking back, I remember that I took the first step by realizing that my life felt empty and I needed to connect with myself.

The Trigger

I know now that the trigger was Radical Companies. At first I believed that keeping control was my thing. But then I understood that seeing people as people was my calling, not seeing them as resources. People, not robots. That simple fact made a huge difference to me. People can free their potential at the same time they grow, and align with others to create something big, bigger than they could create by themselves.

Something changed in me and I now believe that seeing a company as a group of aligned people was the key. Everything fits. I can see everything falling into place. That woke me up and made feel all that I could be just because I could.

To my surprise, a feeling of emptiness came up and it was scary. I was surviving, not living. That is why I felt so bad in a Fiat company, not being able to be part of anything, not mattering except as a smart robot.

Born Out of Desperation

There is no such thing as a private live and work life. That is a myth born out of desperation. Go in the office, but leave most of you out in the parking lot. Radical Companies taught me to be a whole person anywhere, anytime, and however I go.

Celebrate!

I bought me flowers. For the first time. I had never celebrated myself before, I had never thanked me, but I finally felt I must. Hooray for my past self, because thanks to her I have a genuine smile. Thanks to her I can see who I am versus what Fiat businesses want me to be.

… and Smile

There are still lots of scary stuff ahead, but I am staying on the path and eating mandarins.^∇ I can see that the time will come when I will see these fears behind me. I can see the time when I will be a better version of me.

Thanks to life and all that got me here.

ENDNOTES

• Chabeli Atahuaman. Mandarins and Butterflies 2022. <https://radicalcompanies.com/2022/09-02/mandarins-and-butterflies>